Thursday, April 20, 2000

So already I'm having trouble keeping up with my commitment to write one entry here each week.  Oh, well.  I tried to write something here a week ago, but I wasn't really in the confessional mood.  I still censor myself quite a bit.

I was also pretty upset with myself over the whole DH thing-- which is really sort of neurotic.  People get crushes all the time, and don't necessarily blame themselves for acting "pathetic."  Yet, I seem to have that problem.  Actually, I went to DH's show again... it was fun.  There's an audience participation number where he comes out and lets someone play his guitar-- this time he picked me.  I was completely horrified and pleased at the same time.  He sat in my lap, and gave me a smooch.  Oy!  Afterwards, however, I found it difficult to talk to him... it was the wrap party for the show, and he was distracted by all of his crew members.  Plus, I'm not sure that what he really wants to do is sit down with me and have a little chat.  I guess, secretly,  I feel a little threatened by guys who want to fool around with me, but aren't necessarily interested in getting to know me on a personal level.  I get a little jealous of people like roommate JB, who can basically have sex whenever he likes without feelings of guilt or whatever.  But then again, I don't really want to change my lifestyle, I just want to be less neurotic.  So, I basically decided that as far as DH goes, Mohammad can come to the Mountain, if he's that interested.  I think I might be acting tough just for my own benefit.

Also, I was in the midst of a deep depression when I wrote that first journal entry.  That lasted for a few weeks, and then I had one really perky, almost-manic day-- now I'm back to my old, medium-grumpy self.

Monday was my birthday!  Pretty un-eventful, actually.  I went out with L and some of her friends last night to see a band, and had a good time.  I was a little shy around so many people I don't know, but not as bad as I've sometimes been.  Also, I think L probably understands my alternating fits of shyness and exuberance pretty well.  As a birthday present, she gave me an old plaster statue of a Louis XIV-oid dancing couple, which is now gracing my dresser in a twee way.  So, not a bad birthday at all this year.

Also-- get this-- my glasses broke today.  Oh, bitch and moan.  The left temple fell off; which I guess I knew was going to happen soon.  So right now, I'm wearing glasses with only one temple (surprisingly, they don't fall off.)  I'm not sure what to do between now and when I get new ones-- walk around like this all the time, stick some tape there like a real geek, or try to do something subtle like glue it back together?  Oh, the trials and tribulations.  Really, though, it's kind of a pain having the scrape up the money for new glasses right now.